Happiness is truly a state of mind.
It’s about planting the flag of positivity and developing a barrier against negativity. You become the architect of a new internal state, slowly designing a landscape that supports your emotional well-being.
As with the development of anything, it starts with constructing a foundation. That foundation is the decision to change the way you see the things around you and how you interact with them.
Research shows you have 75,000 thoughts a day, and 90+% of those are not positive. It’s a fact that it’s easier to have a negative thought than a positive one. Having a positive internal dialogue is about putting the work in to change your thoughts — daily. When you do the work, you start building that foundation from which to elevate your mental well-being.
It starts with the ability to recognize a negative thought as merely that — a thought. From there, you learn to pivot your mind away from negativity, and the positive thoughts gain momentum. This momentum lifts your mood and changes (literally) the way your brain thinks.
But how do you do that? Where do you start?
Below are five tips happy people use that will get you started in the right direction. These are common problem areas for everyone that lead us down the road of negativity.
1. Who Are You Watching?
Forget about what other people are doing.
Stop looking at where they are and what they have. Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do you — better than you. You are on your own path in this life. Live it like a horse with blinders on.
The real reason we struggle with insecurity is that we compare our behind-the-scenes life with everyone else’s public highlight reel. We listen to the noise of the world, instead of ourselves.
Remember, when you compare yourself to others, you lose, but only every time.
So instead of worrying about what others are doing — listen to your inner voice.
Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them. Don’t be afraid to walk alone, and don’t be scared to enjoy being solo. Don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best you can be. Keep doing what you know in your heart is right for you.
Because when you are focused on meaningful work and at peace with yourself, there is nothing that can stop you.
2. Seeking Things Beyond Yourself
When you are content with yourself, without comparing and competing to impress the outside world, everyone worthwhile will respect you. And even more importantly; you will respect yourself.
How are you letting others define you? What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
We spend a lot of time worrying about what others think, but the truth is — no one has the ability to judge you. People may have heard your story, and they may think they know you. But no one feels what you are going through; they aren’t living inside your life.
Remember it’s not your job to place worry on what others think of you. Focus on how you think about yourself, and keep walking the path that feels best under your feet.
In life you learn; those who accept you are your friends. Those who don’t are your teachers.
If someone says something about you and it’s true, it’s not your problem because it’s true. If someone calls you something and it’s not true, it’s not your problem because it’s not true. Either way, whatever they call you is not your problem. What other people call you is their problem…
What you call yourself, and who you decide to become is your problem.
3. What’s Giving You Happiness?
Unhappiness lies in the gap between what you have now and what you think you need.
The truth is; you don’t need to acquire anything more to be content than what you already have.
You don’t need someone else’s approval or blessing to be happy. Your life is wonderful — not because someone says it is, or because you have acquired something, but because you choose to see it that way. The only person that can hold your happiness hostage is you. That choice; whether to be happy or not, is yours to choose — it’s yours to live and experience.
The minute you stop making everyone and everything else responsible for your happiness, the happier you’ll become. If you’re unhappy now, it’s not someone else’s fault — it’s yours. Take full responsibility for your unhappiness, and you will instantly gain the ability to become happy.
Stop trying to arrange conditions that will make you happy. Choose to appreciate the greatness that is yours at this moment, and the right conditions will start to line up around the contentment you seek.
The most significant part of your happiness or unhappiness depends upon your outlook — not upon your situation.
Even if things aren’t perfect right now, think of all the beauty still around you. A good reason to smile is always one thought away; choose to tap into it any time you like.
4. Watch For Emotional Backpedaling
Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghosts from your past.
What happened in the past is just one chapter in your story; don’t close the book — write a new entry.
We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others, and while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for longer than it deserves. Feelings of resentment urge us to relive the same pain again, and we have a hard time letting go and moving on.
Forgiveness is the remedy to the wrongs of the past.
Forgiveness allows you to focus on the future without combating the past. It allows you to understand the infinite potential of everything going forward by learning to forgive everything already behind you.
Without forgiveness, wounds can never be healed, and personal growth can never be achieved. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
5. Are You Being Honest With Yourself?
How often do you look at yourself in your emotional mirror?
Most of us spend our entire lives learning how to lie to ourselves. We lie about our current: relationship, job, and internal happiness status to ourselves — constantly. We tell the lies so often that; eventually, these internal lies grow so loud in our minds that we become bad at seeing, understanding, and living our truth.
How often have you been there in life? Or — are you there now?
The scary part is lives can come apart so quickly when they have been held together with lies. If you resist your inner truth, you will live a lie every day as the fact haunts your thoughts every night. You can’t get away from your truth by moving dishonestly from one internal place to the next.
So don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to hide the truth with internal deception.
Don’t edit your soul according to the fashion of what’s popular. It is better to offer no explanation or excuse than a false one. It takes courage and strength to admit your truth, but it is the only way to live genuinely.
Accept what is, embrace it thoroughly, and live for the possibilities that lie ahead.
“The Three R’s” & The Road Forward
Remember that today’s actions become tomorrow’s ammunition.
Start by developing your ability to pivot your thoughts away from negativity. I’ve developed a system for this you can use to start the work today called “The Three R’s.”
Recognize
Start by recognizing the negative thought that is occurring. Happiness is the process of eliminating the things that cause you to go down the rabbit hole.
Happy people can pivot their thoughts and maintain their internal status quo by recognizing negative thinking as a thought — nothing more. This is the process of catching the ego in the act and destroying its ability to derail your happiness.
Rebuild
Once you learn to recognize your thoughts at the moment, you start rebuilding your thoughts.
Did you know you can build new neural pathways in your brain? It’s a fact.
Remember the first time you drove to your new house? You had to learn to get there, didn’t you? That first drive was a new pathway — a new thought. Soon you forgot about it even being an original thought.
Why?
Blood flows through the neural pathways changing them from creeks to rivers. Your negative thoughts are no different. The more you think of them, the more blood flows through them, the more quickly they show up in your thoughts.
What you need to do now is build new, positive pathways. Soon blood flows away from the rivers of negativity, and they become creeks again. But the positive thoughts become rivers.
Repeat
Now that you’ve become accustomed to spotting your thoughts and building new pathways through positivity? It’s time to repeat the action of happiness daily. You spot the thought, pivot, build a new thought, and move towards a positive one.
Give yourself the time to learn this new way of living. It’s powerful and can literally change the way you think if you apply it daily.